Eh, Why Not?
by Aries Draco
Summary: from the kink meme. Contains tentacles. And Russia.


Eh, why not?

At about five-thirty in the afternoon, Lithuania heard the now familiar sound of Tony approaching and dodged the tractor beam.

"What did I say about beaming people up suddenly?" he chastised. "I'm kind of busy right now."

"But Liet..."

"Later, alright? I'll be done in another hour or so." Smiling brightly, Lithuania gave the alien a small wave goodbye before heading for the kitchen. He had promised to let America have a taste of his homeland, and, though it was a little late to be starting dinner preparations, he was going to try to make good on that promise.

Tony watched Liet go, then glanced up at his (its?) ship. Well, it could _probably_ wait an hour...

---

Roughly an hour later, while watching the bigos stew away in its pot (and remembering how Poland kept claiming that it was *his* dish, even though Liet was the one who gave it to him in the first place, damn it), Lithuania suddenly remembered that Tony had wanted to tell him something. Now dinner was more or less done, he began to look for the alien being.

Who was now nowhere to be found.

It perplexed him, since Tony didn't usually just give up like that, but then America came blustering through the door and Lithuania just couldn't think of anything else anymore.

---

At about two-fifteen in the morning, Liet opened his eyes to see Tony staring down at him. As used as he was of seeing a certain someone else doing this, those huge, inhuman eyes caused him to stifle a scream.

"Are you busy now?" asked the alien, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he had nearly contributed to Lithuania having to change the sheets.

It took a few seconds for Liet to remind himself that Tony was, for all his inhuman-appearance, relatively benign, unlike some other human-appearing creature who seemed to be crafted out of pure evil. It took a few more seconds for his sleep-addled mind to process what Tony was saying.

"Oh! You wanted to speak with me."

"Yes. A hostile alien invasion of earth commenced at approximately 1625h earth time yesterday."

"Oh, ok... WAIT, WHAT?!"

"The scouting ship landed near your house, Liet, so I thought you might like to know."

For one brief moment, Lithuania felt his heart stop. Then he was out of bed running for a phone. It would be approaching morning back home, probably, so maybe someone would pick up? In his haste, the number he dialled was not to his house, something he realised when a familiar, trembling voice answered the phone.

"Latvia?"

"L... Lithuania? You're calling? But... but... he said to tell him if you called but... but... he said not to disturb him until he was done with that thing, s... so... wha... what do I do...?!"

He could just imagine the smaller nation trembling violently beside the phone, and, for the moment it was enough to distract him from considering when exactly Russia's number had become his 'home' number.

"Calm down! Just... just don't tell Russia I called?" This seemed to have the intended effect of calming Latvia down, so Lithuania proceeded (carefully) to his main concern. "Has... has anything weird been going on around my house?" he asked, a little worried about the answer.

"_He_ went over because he said he thought he saw something come out of the sky," whispered Latvia over the phone, as if afraid to be discovered.

"And...?"

"He came back with this... thing... with... tentacles! A... and... it was trying to crawl away, so... so he took an axe an... and..." there was a pause and he could imagine Latvia shuddering "...and then he went down into the basement and told us not to disturb him until he's done."

"Ah?" A thing with tentacles. Was with Russia. Lithuania glanced at Tony, who seemed a little miffed at being blown off for a phonecall. Holding the phone a little away and covering the mouthpiece, he spoke to the alien. "Were you friendly with that race?"

"No," replied the alien, a little affronted. "_We_ are scientists; They're just bastards."

"I see. And the invasion?"

"Has been called off."

It all made sense now, and, even though those tentacle thingies were going to invade earth... well... at least one of them was with _Russia_ right now and he almost felt a tinge of sympathy.

But because he was speaking with Tony, he didn't hear Latvia continue.

---

"But we snuck down to look anyway, because that thing was really strange and we thought maybe it belonged to you and... and... _he_... he was... um... mmmffmmf..." Latvia couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence, feeling extremely conflicted. On one hand, his cheeks wanted to go red with embarrassment. On the other, he felt a little green in the face because it was something he could never unsee.

Russia decided for him by appearing suddenly, turning his face white and causing him to nearly drop the phone. Fortunately, there was time enough to hang up and pretend that there never was a phone call.

"Ah, Latvia," called Russia as he spotted the Baltic nation, grinning broadly. "Guess what?"

Latvia froze. As much as he could while shaking like a leaf, anyway. Eyes wide, he tried not to see the oddly coloured stains on Russia's coat. He wanted to run, except that running from Russia was a bit like running from an enthusiastic hunting dog, so he stayed his ground as the large man wandered over to him.

"Come on, guess, guess!" cajoled Russia, his tone as cheerful as a child on christmas morning.

"I... it's edible?" hazarded Latvia, blurting out the first thing that came to mind.

"I think it's an intelligent lifeform," Russia informed him, clearly not hearing a word he'd said. "It tried to kill itself with its two remaining arms. B~u~t~ I took away those arms too and I think he'll keep for the winter~ 3 I'm gonna name him Toris and we have to find a way to feed him, but he'll be the cutest pet ever, right~?"

---

And that was the story of how Russia inadvertedly saved the world from a hostile alien invasion. From that day forth, Liet allowed Tony to beam him up whenever, in case there was another urgent situation and Latvia began to have nightmares about decapitation.

Notes:

Bigos: a Lithuanian stew.

Timeline: during Lithuania's outsourcing to America.


End file.
